What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
