You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
false alarm, still single
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
