So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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