I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
