Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
