she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
