So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My penis needs a shock collar
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
