You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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