I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
