The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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