How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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