Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
