I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
