went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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