If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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