So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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