u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My cat gives me a boner
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He has the fingertips of a God
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