the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
