Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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