im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
