My underwear smells like fireworks.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
