at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
