i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
