drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
