i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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