fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize