Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
