too bad you live with your parents still
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
