I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
did i just pee glitter
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
