You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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