i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
