i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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