if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
