cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
