Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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