The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
PANTIES FOUND
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