my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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