At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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