in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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