i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
