TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
