I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize