the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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