just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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