16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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