If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
