all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
