Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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