Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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