so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
