it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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