Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I puked a lego.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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