five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
