Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant