i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
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You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.