he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
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You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
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I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!