1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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