I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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