I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
