So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
