I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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