You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
