my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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