you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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