I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
