You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
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So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
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You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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