I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
