I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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