What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Need sex. Gaining weight.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
