This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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