he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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