he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You're a waste of cheezeits
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
