its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
