dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize