I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You were trust falling into bushes
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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