He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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