Do you still have your period?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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