Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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