how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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