she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
