I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
