and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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